I’m emotionally exhausted…what you see on A&E’s “Intervention” is TRUE TO LIFE! My Mom just sat me down and had some sort of talk with me about how it is unreasonable that I go thru an entire bag of treats during a week at the kennel. I expected her to pull out a letter and start reading to me. I went thru the following steps trying to process what was happening:
I ONLY HAD A COUPLE OF TREATS! Who keeps track of how many treats are eaten in a day? I’m not some sort of treat counter or mathematician. That’s not my job. I was just trying to survive the mean streets of Barking Hound Village. I don’t care that it says “luxury boarding”…you don’t know how it really is. What? There are webcams where you can watch me? Oh. Nevermind.
Well, if you were watching the webcam ALL THE TIME, then you saw that Peanut stole a bunch of treats! That’s right. He was making it rain Snausages! I barely had any treats to eat! I’m treat deficient! I might even need an IV full of liquid treats. So go read your letter to him cuz the paw ain’t listening, honey.
She seemed to be pretty intent on this intervention thing so I had to try another tactic. I threw out a phrase I hear her say to her own mother when the topic of weight gain is approached, “I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER!!” Okay, listen…maybe I do eat more than I should but it’s only because I felt my sugar getting low and I didn’t want to pass out as I was chasing Peanut around the yard trying to get back the treats he stole. Come on…don’t you love me? (insert sad face)
Oh, you are thinking that I felt guilt? No, sir/ma’am. This stage is for inflicting guilt on someone else. This is what you have to do when all else fails…this baby works every time. YOU ABANDONED ME TO GO ON VACATION!!!!
Make sure you really play it up…the sadder you look, the more treats you will get to make up for the “abandonment”
I’m eating treats as I type this…told ya it would work. She is such a sucker.