Author Archives: Nikki

The Garbage Gourmet

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I’m thinking about starting my own food line called “The Garbage Gourmet”.  It will be geared towards all of my canine culinary aficionados…you know, the dogs that have a taste for the finer things.  

As with any successful company, you have to test & quality check your product before going to market.  Clearly, my unwitting investor (aka, my Mom) doesn’t realize this is a critical step on the road to success.  Why does she thwart my creativity? 

Who cares if there is trash all over the floor?   Where do you think the ingredients come from?  China?  Maybe if she were to pay more attention to the allowed foods on her diet, she wouldn’t have time to notice my “lab” of food strewn about the kitchen floor.  Delicious day old chicken, a steak bone…it’s like I’ve died and gone to heaven!  Wait…did you just say “ewww?”  Clearly, your taste buds are deficient.  Any dog will attest that finding a t-bone in the trash is fine dining.  We know about fine dining…why do you think we lick ourselves?  BECAUSE WE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.  Sheesh.

Instead of fussing at me for getting in the garbage (which really is kind of like my very own, she should be encouraging me while I find the right ingredients for Riley’s Remoulade sauce!  That could make her a bundle!  See?  I’m not selfish.  I look out for my people.

So…if I can continue to have access to the un-freshest ingredients around, I should be able to have my line of haute Garbage Gourmet food on the market by the summer.  Start saving your money…because you are going to want this for your beloved pet.  If you don’t buy it, then you don’t love your dog.  Just sayin’…buy my stuff.

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Allow Me to Introduce Myself

What up, y’all?  Name’s Riley.  I’m here to act as an advisor/life coach/probation officer to dog parents.  I’ve been trying to train my own mama for 6 years…but she is a bit slow.  I won’t give up though.  I’m pretty sure she knows what to expect if she tries to leave me alone when it’s clear I want to ride in the car with her (answer?  pee on her favorite blanket).  So what if she is going to work?  I’m pretty sure those people have arms and hands…to rub my belly.  I might be able to offer up a way to run the office more efficiently.  Instead, I’m forced to stay at home and nap all day while figuring out how to get in the garbage.  This is what happens when you aren’t given chances.

What can you expect from this blog?  I’ll be answering questions, providing coaching on various situations, publishing public notices to Doggy DFCS for any violations I see (i.e. dogs in strollers…what is that even about?) and just my general musings.  Got a question?  Let me know.  Otherwise, get out your pen and paper…it’s time to get started.

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